Welcome to Gaza
by travelswith
Summary: The cracked out misadventures of Tony Stark in the Middle East.


'_This_ is a job for Iron Man.'

Pepper's gaze trailed from the newspaper he'd just flung at her desk, up to his clenched, white knuckles, and landed idly on his eyes. They were the eyes of a man on a mission.

This never ended well.

But Pepper was good at adapting. She smiled politely, and leaned back in her chair. 'Okay,' she said. 'I'll bite.'

'They've built a tunnel in Gaza. Think they can smuggle my weapons over to Egypt, the bastards. I'll show them.'

'Yes,' said Pepper with a dutiful nod. 'You _will_.'

'I need you to meet me over there, though; this will be an all-nighter.'

'Shall I book the suite at the David Citadel?'

'Ye-huh.' His hands flew to his tie. 'And for dinner I want the best damn shwama in Jerusalem, got it?'

'The dirty little place by the market?' Her throat hitched as he began unbuttoning his shirt.

'That's the stuff. Alright, see you tonight.' He bent low, kissed her on the cheek, and disappeared in the direction of the shop.

That was new. Pepper touched her flustered cheek, and then forced herself to shrug.

-

It wasn't what he'd expected. The tunnels were wide, clean and organized. There was electricity, and _phone lines_, for god's sake.

The men were gathered around in a confused mob. Occasionally one of them would throw a befuddled glance at the red and gold robot thing in the corner.

'What does it want?' said one of them.

'Weapons, I think.'

'Ah.'

They resumed their squabbling, and then one of them walked over to the corner. Iron Man looked up.

'Hello, Tony Stark. You may call me Ahmed. Welcome to Gaza. Look, I'm sorry, but we there must have been some mistake.'

'A mistake?'

'Yes. The weapons you're looking for- well.' He looked very embarrassed. 'They're not here.'

'They're not… they're not here?'

'No. We haven't smuggled weapons in months.'

'Then what are all the boxes for?'

'Take a look.'

Tony made his way to the pile of large cartons. One of the Palestinians kindly opened a few for him.

Tony said, 'Oh. I see.'

'Yes. Huge demand for Viagra, round here.'

'And I suppose perfume always sells well.'

'Yes.'

'And the lion?'

Ahmed shrugged. 'Can't explain that.'

'Right.'

'Well.' Somewhere behind those sharp, angular eyes of Iron Man's helmet, a light dimmed. 'The media is always making this shit up.'

'Putting fear in the hearts of man, I suppose,' said Ahmed. 'Hamas is usually more threatening than this. Sorry to disappoint you.'

'Don't sweat it,' said Tony, waving a hand. 'Look, I'll pay for the damage.'

Ahmed looked up at the roof of the tunnel, which was now a gaping hole, filling the cave with dusty, afternoon light.

'Just… use one of the trap doors next time,' he said.

As Tony made his departure from the cave, Ahmed could have sworn there was something almost thwarted about the way he'd launched into the sky.

-

Tony landed by the pool of the David Citadel Hotel. Pepper had warned the staff about it, so there wasn't too much fuss. A tourist took a photo as Tony pulled off his helmet, and a few of the local Israelis were actually _laughing_ at him.

Pepper was reclined on one of the pool chairs, wearing sunglasses and sipping a martini. She took one look at her boss, and then quickly handed it to him.

Later that night, as they sat on the balcony of their suite, sipping wine from the upper Galilee and gazing at the golden walls of the Old City, Tony told Pepper what had happened.

'Lions?' she said. 'What are they smuggling lions for?'

'No idea. Don't think they had any, either.'

'Huh. ' Pepper stood up and yawned.

'You turning in?'

'It's some ungodly hour in the states. Yes, I'm turning in. By the way, the Israeli Secretary of Defense would like to have a word with you in the morning.'

'A strong word?'

'I think they're less than impressed.'

'There's something to look forward to.' Tony downed the last drops in his wine glass and got up to slide the door open for Pepper.

Before she passed into the room, she paused and looked at him square in the eye. In the golden light, her skin was radiant, and her hair curled in tighter than usual tendrils. Must be the climate, Tony thought, just as she leaned in and kissed him on the corner of his mouth.

'Don't worry, champ,' she said softly. 'You'll get 'em next time.'

Tony watched her close the door of her room and absently brought his fingers to his lips.

Well. That was new.


End file.
